Something
by Br0KeN15
Summary: This story is AU. Ashley and Spencer have been friends since forever and Ashley's in love with Spencer. First fanfic, so please be kind.
1. Something

Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere. All disclaimers go to Tom Lynch and The-N.

The story's title is from the Beatles' song _Something._

* * *

_Chapter One - Something_

Ashley's POV

I couldn't sleep that night. Not with her sleeping on the other side of the bed, inches from me. Every time she moved, her body barely touching mine, I felt like my skin was burning even though it was chilly in her bedroom.

I was tired but my eyes wouldn't close, my mind wouldn't shut. Usually, the nights I spent with her laying next to me were the only times I could gain an ounce of sleep. But tonight, it was different. Having her beside me was too much to bear. Everything was too complicated.

During her sleep, she turned on her side and put an arm around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder . She was seeking for heat, I could feel her trembling body against mine. But me, I didn't feel cold at all. I was sweating. Her cold skin touching my burning one was making me feel numb. If my mind hadn't been so preoccupied, I would have surely drifted to sleep by now. That was the kind of power she had on me. When everything seemed like it was falling apart, she was the one who could make the pain go away, just by holding me in her arms. But now, I just wished she would let go of me. Because she was the one causing all this pain without even being aware of it.

I tried to remember when it all changed, when she didn't feel like my best friend anymore. When she became more. I had found myself lusting for her curves and enjoying the feeling of them pressed against my body. Her lips on my cheek didn't feel innocent anymore. I couldn't help but wonder what they would felt like on mine.

God, she was beautiful. So beautiful.

Her gorgeous baby blue eyes, her long tanned legs, her toned stomach, the softness of her skin. Everything about her was perfect

It was really confusing. I never thought of any girls in that way. As far as I could remember, I'd always been attracted to men. Anyway, that's what I thought. That's what I had been told all my life.

I knew I loved her. She was my best friend. She'd always been there for me. I couldn't picture my life without her in it.

But was I in love with her?

I didn't know. I couldn't tell. Those feelings were unusual for me. I'd never really loved someone except her.

But was it friendship or true love?

Was I gay? No, I couldn't. I was not ready to be GAY. Why now? I would have realized it before. You're not waking up some day and realize that you're gay suddenly.

Why her? Why me? All those questions were running through my head and haunting me day and night. Those questions were the reason why I wasn't sleeping tonight in the warmth of her embrace.

But the more I thought about it the more I realized something. None of this mattered.

I was not gay.

I was not straight.

I was in love with my best friend, who happened to be a girl. It didn't matter as long as the feeling was there because as I tried to sleep, her body clutched to mine, I had never felt better. Those stupid labels didn't mean a thing.

She was my drug. I was addicted. I wanted her. I needed her.

I love her.

_You're asking me will my love grow,  
I don't know, I don't know._


	2. Flavour of the week

Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere. All disclaimers go to Tom Lynch and The-N.

The song used in this chapter is _Flavour of the Week_ by American Hi-Fi.

* * *

_Chapter Two – Flavour of The Week_

Ever since that night, everything felt different. I was different. Somehow admitting to myself that I was in love with Spencer lifted a weight off of my shoulder, but the ache in my heart was still there. Is still here.

I know I am in love with her but it doesn't mean a damn thing when I don't even know if she feel the same or not.

I might never know.

I can't bring myself to tell her how I feel. I just can't. I am way too scared.

What do you want me to say?

I am a coward. I know. But I'm not used to rejection and I don't think I could bear being rejected by her.

What if she doesn't want me as much as I want her?

What if she can't love me like I want her to?

A soft voice, belonging to her, brings me back to reality.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" _You_.

"Nothing, I just spaced out. I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night." _Because of you._ She wasn't there. With me. She was with _him_ last night. That muscle thing she calls her boyfriend.

"What's going on?" Except the fact that you're with _him_ instead of me.

"I don't know. I just can't sleep. My mind's too preoccupied, I guess." Unsatisfied with my answer, she tilts her head to the side and looks at me with a pout. She know I can't resist to that.

"And you don't feel like telling your best friend what's going on in that head of yours." Oh, I wish I could but I'm not ready to tell her. Not yet. I can't.

"It's nothing. Just… I dunno. Ok. I'll tell you when I'll figure it out." I tell her and I guess by the look on her face that she doesn't believe me. She sighs and turn her back to me. Well, I guess she's a little upset. But I can't tell her that whenever I see her, I just want to kiss her and I wish I could tell her I love her. But there's always something that's holding me back. I'm scared. She's scaring me. And there's also the fact that she's with _him_ and that she's in love with _him_.

God, I so hate _him_. He's got the chance to hold her and kiss her whenever he wants to and I envy him for this. He doesn't deserve her. He doesn't love her. She's just another pretty face he can brag about.

_Her boyfriend, he don't know anything about her_

He doesn't know that her favorite's color is green.

He doesn't know that _Yesterday _is her favorite song.

_And she knows all his favourite songs_

He doesn't know that the scar on her chin is from a stupid accident she had when she was 8. When she tripped on a toy left casually in the stairs by her brother.

He wasn't there. I was. I've always been there for her. He won't. When he'll get tired of her, he will dump her, just like all the other. She means nothing to him.

_And he means everything to her_

But she means the world to me.

_I wish that I could make her see_


	3. Wonderwall

Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere. All disclaimers go to Tom Lynch and The-N.

The song used in this chapter is _Wonderwall_ by Oasis.

* * *

_Chapter Three – Wonderwall_

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would  
Like to say to you  
But I don't know how_

Why do I go to school? Please someone, tell me. Because right now, at this right moment, I can't figure out why I let myself live through such torture.

School's such a waste of time. It's useless. I don't need school. Not when I already got the money and that most of the time, I just skip.

I hate school. From the buildings to the people.

But most of all, I despise him. He's so full of himself. Walking around like he owns the school. Like he's better than everyone else.

Why can't she see that?

Aiden Dennison is just a tons of muscle, with a dick instead of a brain. He's the perfect archetype of the guy whose life will end with alcohol, divorces and whores.

But that's not what I hate the most about him. I hate that he have her. I hate that he can tell her he loves her, even though it's a lie. I hate that he gets to kiss her and I can't. And I hate that every time he's around, she doesn't pay as much attention to me as she usually does when we are alone together. Because she's too busy cuddling, kissing and whispering dirty things to him.

I hate the fact that she'll never be fully mine.

She doesn't love me like she loves him. She doesn't love me the way I want her to love me. I'm only her best friend.

Friendship. That's what she feels towards me. There's nothing more. There never was.

* * *

I'm laying on a table in the quad, listening to my Ipod when I feel a hot breath on my neck. I know it's her. I recognize the vanilla perfume I gave her for her birthday. God, it smells so good on her.

I turn my head to face her and slowly open my eyes. Blue eyes meet mine. She's laying on her side, next to me, her blue eyes staring deeply at me. She's studying me, trying to discover what's wrong with me. I know she's worried about me. It's been a while since we've last spent some time together, alone. I've been distant this past few days, avoiding her phone calls and hardly speaking to her. And at school, I try hard to be where she's not, practically running when she comes close to view. It just hurt too much to see her with him.

I'm sure she knows I'm avoiding her. Because usually, I'm always with her.

Her piercing blue eyes are looking straight at me, trying to read me. But I won't let it happen. I won't let her read me like an open book. I won't let her that I'm hurting. That she's the one making me feel like this.

She closes her eyes and sighs, giving in. She's no longer facing me, her back press against the wood table. She inhales deeply and turns on her side again. Her bare arm slightly brush against mine and I can feel a wave of electricity cursing through my body. She takes my chin in her hand and pull my face towards hers so I'm facing her again.

"Seriously, Ash. What's wrong? You've been avoiding me a lot lately." she asks, looking softly into my eyes. "Why can't you tell me? We always tell each other everything."

"We used to." I reply harshly. "Everything's different now." I say, sitting myself up. She gets up and place herself right in front of me, her arms crossed on her chest.

"Ok. And since when did it all changed?" she asks me with a confused look. "I'm still your best friend. You're the one acting cold towards me. You're the one who've been avoiding me. You're different, I'm not."

If you only knew, Spencer. How much everything has changed.

"I'm different? You know what, that's bullshit and you know it. Everything has changed between us since you're with him. You changed. You became like all these girls we used to laugh at. The kind of girl whose world only revolves around her boyfriend. When he's there, you're all over him and when he's not, you only speak about him. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. I'm tired of hearing about him." I tell her angrily.

I guess that was a little bit harsh. But she needs to know the truth. Well, part of the truth. And by the look on her face, I don't think she would be ready for the other part.

She looks straight at me, her mouth open, not believing what I just said. I don't think she was prepared for that kind of outburst. I slowly make my way towards her, taking both of her hands in mine.

"It's me or him, Spence? You have to choose 'cause you can't have the both of us." I know I can't ask her that but it's more than my heart can take. I can't keep on being her second choice. Not when I used to be her first.

"Why?" Oh, the one million dollar question.

"Because I hate him. It's that enough." I ask her, my eyes looking at the ground.

She, suddenly, takes her hands off of mine and brings her arms back on her chest, slowly moving backwards, a few feet away from me.

"You can't ask me to do that, Ash. Either way I lose." she tells me, her eyes asking me to take back everything I just said.

_I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now_

"He's gonna hurt you, Spence, and I wish you could see that." I say, avoiding her eyes. "It used to be only you and me. Spencer and Ashley. But now, it's Aiden and Spencer and the third wheel. I can't just stay there and watch him taking my place. I just can't."

"Nobody's taking your place, Ash. You're always be my best friend." She tells me, placing her hands on my arms. I feel my skin burning. I want to cry. Will I ever be just a goddamn friend to her?

"What if I want to be more?" I whisper. But loud enough for her to hear. She just looks at me, surprise all over her face. And before she can pronounce a word, I'm gone.

I can't stay here. I need to go. God, I can't believe I just said that. So I just run away. Because that's what I do best. I run.

_And all the roads that lead you there were winding  
And all the lights that light the way are blinding  
_

I am such an idiot. I shouldn't have told her. She will never talk to me again.

I make my way to my black convertible and sit into the driver's seat, hurriedly turning on the engine. And then, I see her, running towards my car.

"Ashley, we need to talk. You can't tell me something like that and then, run away." she says, out of breath.

"Do we need to?" I ask her. I don't need her to tell me that we're good as friends and that she doesn't feel the same way about me.

"Please, Ash. We need to talk about it." she says with a pleading look I can't refuse. So I just give in.

"Ok. Get in the car. We'll go to my house." She hops into the passenger's seat and smiles awkwardly at me, staring at me with her baby blue eyes. And I can't help it, I just smiles back.

-----

There is just one thing I love about school and that keep me here. It's her.

_Maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall_


	4. My Heart

Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere. All disclaimers go to Tom Lynch and The-N.

The story's title is from Paramore's song _My Heart_. And the song used in the chapter is _Yesterday_ by the Beatles.

* * *

_Chapter Four – My Heart_

Spencer's POV

The car is silent except for the music coming from the radio. None of us is speaking a word, not really knowing what to say. I know I told her we needed to talk but actually, I don't really know what I am going to say to her. I'm not even sure of what's really going on.

God, I'm just so confused. She's so unpredictable sometimes.

I can feel the tension filling the air and I hate that feeling. I hate not being able to talk to her.

I can't stand the silence between the two of us. It's way too intense. We've never been this silent with each other. That's how I know that's something is really wrong and I'm lost. I have no control on whatever is going on and I hate not being in control. I hate not being able to know what's in her mind.

I've never seen her this serious and thoughtful. And it's scaring me.

I'm scared of losing her. I'm scared of her leaving me alone.

I don't want the ride to end because I know that everything is going to change after that. And I don't want anything to change. I like my life just the way it is. I like us just the way we are. I don't like changes. I can't handle changes.

_Yesterday  
All my troubles seemed so far away  
Now it looks as though they're here to stay_

As _Yesterday_ start on the radio, she glances at me and turns up the volume. She smiles and I can't help but smile back because she knows how much I love that song. I love the Beatles and I love her. I love that she know me better than anybody and I love to say the same about her. I love how she is and how stubborn she can be. I love how protective she is over me and how she seems so confident of herself to everyone but deep inside, she's so unsure and fragile. And I love that I'm the only one who can see that, who can see her true self.

_Yesterday  
Love was such an easy game to play  
Now I need a place to hide away_

She's nervous, I can see that, but she still trying to look calm to hide it because Ashley Davies is never nervous. But I know her too well. I can see how tense her shoulders are and how tight her hands are holding the steering wheel.

_Oh, I believe  
In yesterday_

* * *

_I am finding out that maybe I was wrong  
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone_

_Stay with me,  
This is what I need,  
Please._

I'm standing in the middle of her bedroom, my arms crossed over my chest, my head down, avoiding any contact with her eyes. She's sitting on the edge of the bed, a few feet away from me, her eyes staring intently at my nervous form. We're both silent, waiting for the other one to talk.

_Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you  
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?_

"Spencer…" she whispers. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you choose. It was stupid."

"Ash.. why…" I say as I finally lift my head to meet her gaze, her brown eyes melting my blue ones.

"Please, Spence. Let me finish." She tells me as she moves from her spot on the bed and takes a few step towards me. "I love you, Spencer and I don't wanna lose you."

"I don't wanna lose you either, Ash." I whisper to her, cutting her in.

"But I can't keep on going like this."

_I am nothing now and it's been so long  
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope_

_This time I will be listening._

"It's killing me and I'm hurting you. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of pretending I love you like a friend when I'm not. I'm tired of being just a friend to you. I want to be more. She says, whispering the last sentence, a hint of sadness in her voice. "I am in love with you Spencer Carlin and I have been for a very long time. I just hadn't realized it before."

She want to be more. What does this mean exactly? Does she want us to be girlfriends? Does this mean she was gay? Why now?

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I didn't know her as much as I thought. I can't believe she would hide something that big from me. Though, I could understand why she did it. I did.

"Ash… I don't know what to say… I… I can't…. I'm with Aiden…. I…." I stutter, unable to form a coherent sentence. And I wish I wouldn't have said the last part. That was just a lame excuse for me not being able to tell her I love her because I'm just a damn coward.

"I know you're with Aiden but can't you see that he is just a stupid asshole? And it's killing me to see you with him 'cause he doesn't deserve you, Spencer." She tells me, taking my hands in hers, staring at me with a pleading look and I just stand there, mute, tears threatening to fall. I can't speak, my throat is dry and my heart beats at a higher pace that normal. I can't move.

Am I in love with her? I don't know. How can I know?

I'm not gay. Am I gay? I know I have feelings for her. But is it more than friendship? How am I supposed to know when it's more than friendship?

God, I'm so confused. I had asked myself all these questions before but I never thought I had to answer this soon.

"Spencer, please. Tell me something." She pleads, tears rolling down her cheeks. She lets go of my hands and starts backing away from me. I stop her, grasping her forearm in my hands and mustering up all the strength I had in me, I put my trembling lips on her wet ones. As she deepens the kiss, her hands goes to my waist, pushing me closer to her and I wrap my arms around her neck, moaning against her lips. I never felt like this when Aiden would kiss me. This is totally different. Better.

Eventually, the lack of air in our lungs forces our mouths to separate and take a deep breath, our lips still inches away. I can feel her hot breath on my neck as she places her head in the crook of my shoulders, holding me tight against her.

"Ash… I love you too." I breath, softly into her ear, even though I know I shouldn't have said it because I know that in the morning, all of this won't mean anything.

I can't love her. We'll never be together. Not with a family like mine and a world like ours. I can't live that life. I'm not ready for that life.

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
This heart, it beats, beats for only you_

_My heart is yours._

_My heart is yours…_


	5. Short Stories with Tragic Endings

Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere. All disclaimers go to Tom Lynch and The-N.

**Songs used in this chapter: **

_Cannonball _by Damien Rice

_Shorts stories with tragic endings_ by From Autumn to Ashes

_Something_ by The Beatles

* * *

_Chapter Five – Shorts Stories with Tragic Endings _

Ashley's POV

Why do we always seems to fall in love with the wrong person? All along, we know that all of this is wrong and that we'll only get hurt… but we can't stop ourselves.

Why do we keep on hurting ourselves like that?

Are we all masochist? I _wonder_ sometimes.

When it comes to love, we can't think straight. That sentence is quite ironic when I think about it. Well, it is for me since the person I fell in love with happens to be a girl. My best friend.

Why do we always have to fall for that one person? The one you know you won't ever have. No matter how much you try, you'll always end up falling in love with that person whose heart will never belong to you.

We always want what we can't have, someone once said. I can't remember who. But these words never felt more true that right now.

No matter how much it hurts, we keep on falling. We fall and we fall. Deeper each day. Falling into that hole life helped us dig until there's no coming back, no rope we can reach and then, we hit the ground. It's over.

_There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
It's still a little hard to say what's going on_

Here I was. At 3 a.m. Awake. Naked. In bed with my best friend. She was laying flat on her stomach, sleeping a few inches away from me, a hand draped over my waist. I could feel the warmth coming from her body making me numb and burning my cold one.

I found myself gazing at the bare skin of her back. Little red marks could be seen on the small of her back. Those were marks that my fingertips had left on her skin, proof that last night's events were real. That _my_ fingers were on _her_ skin. I could not believe that all of this was not a dream. I couldn't believe that, in some way, she was mine.

_There's still a little bit of your ghost, your witness  
There's still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed_

She would be the death of me. I was sure of that.

With those curves, those hips, that ass. Her body was amazing.

I had touched those body parts, and not in a friendly way. I had touched those with love and passion. I could feel my body heaten up just by the mere thought of it.

She was perfect. From head to toes.

Her smile, her eyes, her mouth, her voice. Everything about her was perfectly beautiful.

With every breath she was taking, a breath from me she was stealing. I could not get her out of my mind. She was haunting me days and nights. And now that I had her, I couldn't wait to have her again. She was a drug, I swear.

That voice. So soft and comforting. When she whispered into my ear that she would always love me. The way she said my name when we made love last night, it was making me weak. She was making me weak and I had let her do whatever she wanted with me. I was at her feet.

She could do whatever she wanted with me, I didn't care, as long as she was with me. I needed her.

Sleep slowly took over me and I was soon sound asleep, next to her, grinning like an idiot.

_Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,  
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?  
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.  
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions_

-------

But that was too good to be true.

In the morning, as I woke up, my body spooning hers, my arms around her waist and her small delicate hands intertwined with mine, I could not be happier. I really thought that this was it. _My happy ending._

But we all know that those kind of things never happened in real life.

How could I have been so naïve? She was making me naïve. With that smile of hers, that could melt the heart of the most cold-hearted man. And those eyes. Those tricky eyes.

I could feel her body slightly moving against mine, telling me she was awake. She turned on her side, facing me and with one look at her eyes, I knew what was coming next.

She had said those fateful words, that I had wish would never be pronounced again, "I can't be with you." I felt like my heart had been thrown into a hole full of dirt and hit with rocks until it stopped beating.

_You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.  
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have...  
I'll never have... __I'll never..._

How could words as simple as those be so hurtful?

Tears started rolling down my cheeks but I didn't care. I was broken. She had broken me.

With only a few words spoken, she had broken my heart into zillion of pieces. I had given her my heart. My everything. And she didn't want any of it.

"Why?" I asked her, my voice dry and low. She looked at me with her baby blue eyes, piercing through my soul and took my hand in hers, brushing her thumb against my palm.

"We just can't" she just told me. "I can't."

"What?" I couldn't understand. Maybe I didn't want to understand.

"I can't do this to my family. I can't. I'm not ready for all of this. I don't think I'll ever be ready." The last few words were whispered, but it feel like she was screaming them at me. She was avoiding my eyes but I could see the tears falling from her eyes, slowly rolling down her cheeks and hit the pillow.

She gave me a little peck on the lips and started getting out of bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she collected all of her clothes, discarded on the ground in the hurry of last night. I couldn't help but look at her. There she stood, naked, in all her glory.

I felt empty.

_Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in...  
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in...  
_

She would never be mine. Even after the night we had spent together, she would never be.

I had her for hardly a night and it would stay that way.

"So… where does this leave us?" I asked her, nervously, looking straight into her eyes.

"Well… you're still my best friend and I think we… should keep it that way" she told me, with a sorry look on her face as she started to leave.

_Spencer's POV_

I was almost gone when I heard her. "I don't think I can." I turned around so we were both staring into each other eyes. I had to make sure she was serious. I couldn't bear not having her in my life. And what I saw startled me a little, her eyes were filled with tears. I had hurt her real bad this time. She would not forgive me this time. This was not some stupid fight. She was serious. I had to make a choice.

With one last glance at her face, I opened the door and left.

_Something in the way she knows  
And all I have to do is think of her  
Something in the things she shows me  
I don't wanna leave her now  
You know believe, and how_

_The End_

_

* * *

_

So this is it. I know the end is kind of sad. But I couldn't come up with an happy ending. I don't like happy endings. But if you want one, just ask and I'll see what I can do.


End file.
